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Sunday, 30 January 2011

Long Hair + Headbanging = Your gross hair in my face

Picture the scene...a grotty venue that was probably filled over capacity, with everybody awkwardly crammed into a small dark sweatbox watching some live bands. I was watching "The Crapsons" AKA Pulled Apart By Horses , which to clear up is not me saying they were crap, they were awesome...it was just a pseudo name they were using (plus I'd like to think I could think of a better insult than "The Crapsons" if I were to insult a band!), when I began to feel something awful banging against my neck to the rhythm of the music. As I turned around to investigate what this was I was slapped in the mouth by some guys unwashed, sweaty, split ended monstrosity of unwashed hair. This left behind a sweaty residue, which until I washed it off felt like somebody had rubbed their armpit on my face! I turned around and tried to forget about it, but the hair was actually coming over the top of my head and into my view. At one point the hair was actually sitting on top of my head like some kind of vile merkin, REVOLTING! This relentless hair whipping continued throughout the set, which left me dreading any kind of riff that "The Crapsons" were playing due to the inevitable headbanging sweaty long hair assault on my face! It was like a human version of that scene in Beethoven where the dog ruins the house and shakes his fur in slow motion, projectile spraying strands of slobber, snot and dog shit all over the room.

I'm not some square that hates any kind of movement at gigs, but having a sweaty mop thrust in my face is not cool. At least condition those frazzled locks, I've got that itchy feeling like I've been sitting on cut grass or I've just had a fresh haircut. You might as well drop your pants and rub your pubic hair on my face, this is the same level of disgusting! Today will be spent sitting under a hot shower, rocking back and forth muttering "clean......cleannnnn" whilst obsessively scrubbing away the remnants of your ratty hair...thanks a lot!

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