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Friday, 25 February 2011

Drums.

I like to think I'm a very liberal person. If I ever have kids I would support anything they wanted to do and any life choices they made... except one. If my (fictional) son or daughter came to me and told me they wanted to play the drums, I would disown them. I've been playing drums for about... 15 years? And trust me, there is no biggest waste of time and money in the world.

I wouldn't say playing drums was forced on me, but it was something that was always going to happen. My Dad used to play drums in an RAF marching band (TRU PUNX) when he was in the forces and there was always a pair of drum sticks floating around our house. I eventually took it up in secondary school and took a few lessons with the school drum teacher. Which leads me onto the first reason to not play drums; The cost.

Drum lessons in 1996 (FUCK) were £18 an hour. I remember that specifically as my Mum nearly had a heart attack when I told her. On top of that, I needed to buy my own sticks. £8 a pair. WICKED. So basically, I had very few drum lessons. Just enough to learn a beat and then I was on my own. Since then I must have spent thousands and thousands of pounds on this piece of shit hobby. Two drum kits, countless bits of hardware, an obscene amount of cymbals and what must equate to a forests worth of fucking drum sticks.

Seriously, this shit is expensive. I worked all summer cleaning tables in Pizza Hut to buy my first drum kit, and even then I couldn't afford a fucking good one. I dread to think how many Cymbals I've been through costing between £150-£200 a go... nearly 20? You'd think that something made from sheet metal would be pretty sturdy, right? WRONG. They break, they crack, they split and as soon as it happens, you're fucked. Yeah, they have warranties, but they only last a year and the average cymbals life span must be about 366 days. It's a fucking scam... And don't even get me started on fucking drum sticks... £8 a pair and the break in fucking sound check?! Fucking do one. So, there you go, drums are seriously expensive. Reason one.

Reason two; Drums fucking suck. If you learn the Piano or the Cello or something like that, you learn specific songs, melodies and scales. You get something for your money. My sister has been playing piano as long as I can remember, if she wants to play something for someone she can sit down and play some Beethoven, if she wants to relax she can sit down and play Chopin. What the fuck am I going to do? 'Hey look everyone! Bass drum!' *THUD* ...Great. Drums are the musical equivalent of the guy who turns up to a formal dinner party fucked out of his face with a prostitute on his arm. Everyone is sitting around having a nice time, talking about current events and then Drummy Drummond turns up screaming and being sick everywhere. Drums aren't an instrument, they're a fucking nuisance.

After my few lessons my mum asked to see what I'd learnt.
'Yeah Mum, I've learnt loads! Check this out!' *BASS DRUM - SNARE - BASS DRUM - BASS DRUM - SNARE*
'Oh... what song is that?!'
'......All songs?'

It might sound like I'm putting this on for comedy effect, but I'm not, drums are THAT dull. After my few lessons I basically thought 'Well, this sucks... I wonder how fast I can play this beat?' And that's pretty much all the fun I could get out of it. Don't get me wrong, I love doing bands, going on tour, drinking loads and visiting water parks, but the worst part about being on tour is the actual gig part. Great... 30 minutes of hitting stuff. WOOOOOOOOOO.... OK, so you've brought your drums, you've learnt your 4/4 beat. Next you join a band and start playing gigs.... MASSIVE ERROR.

My friend was telling me about a guitar pedal the other day that's basically an amp in a pedal and sounds wicked. He knows someone who has started using it for gigs, so basically he rocks up with a guitar in a gig bag, a distortion pedal and this amp pedal. Bass players now just need their bass and a Sansamp (another tiny pedal that sounds wicked). Drummers? Sticks, Cymbals, Snare and Pedal... at least. Usually your own snare stand too. You have no idea how heavy this crap is to carry.

So by this point you're in a band. Think you're pretty cool, ay? Nope, you're a drummer. You sit at the back of the stage, looking like neanderthal man, hitting things with sticks, getting sweaty and grunting. There is NO way to look good playing drums. A few years ago when Blink 182 got big I played so many gigs with drummers who tried to be Travis Barker. Playing exactly like him and making themselves look like EVEN MORE of a fuckwit. You can try to dress it up in any way you want, but at the end of the day, you'll never make drumming look cool. Just accept you made a shitty life choice. You're sweaty, you're constantly poor and you have arthritis in your wrists and elbows. The dreams over.

Lastly, Drum Solos; What the fuck is the point in a drum solo? I remember my Dad telling me once that he saw Deep Purple in the 70's and the drummer did an 18 minute drum solo... EIGHTEEN FUCKING MINUTES?! Fuck off.

SNARE
TOM
SNARE
SNARE
TOM
SNARE
BASS DRUM
TOM
SNARE
SNARE
SNARE
BASS DRUM
TOM
TOM.... Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Can you really imagine ANYTHING worse?
So there it is, don't let your kids play drums. As soon as their old enough, they'll resent you for it.

11 comments:

  1. some good points! btw im jealous of your dad!

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  2. also you fucking love drums, really.

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  3. First of all, I really got a good laugh from your article. Now after playing drums for around six years I must say that drums is in many ways the worst instrument to ever play but it is also the best instrument out there in many ways as well.

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  4. you must have been a lousy drummer with no development.

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  5. Yeah dude, you lack development. Seriously though, as a former drummer myself of 15 years standing (why didn't I buy a stool? *boom tish*) I can confirm that this is all correct. You also spend a lot of time setting up the kit (while rest of band drinks and chats at bar) and breaking the kit down afterwards (while rest of band drinks and laughs at bar). Miserable.

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  6. Sorry dude but If you dont feel the music it will be terrible yeah, shitt, playing the drums sucks balls!!...


    Please mate, I really do not agree with the things you wrote above, except for one thing..
    Playing the drums is quite expensive, but you really dont need a very expensive drumkit or like Zildjian K custom cymbals etc.. Ive played many diffrent drumkits and cymbals and never broke one of them.. Even with a good pair of sticks you wont be able to easily break your drumstick.. It depends on your feeling with the drumstick and the way you hit the cymbals, I think in your case you hit the cymbals in the wrong way and use the wrong technique (note: Im not a technical player) that may be the reason that your sticks and cymbals easily get damaged.. I dont say that you're a so called 'hard hitter' cause I know how to really 'hard hit' my drums but without cracking cymbals and breaking drumsticks..

    About the 'drum lesson-expensive' part, I never ever had any drum lessons, it all came natural, offcourse I had to learn some patterns and some other things, but I figured it out all by myself, so it didnt cost me any money and since Ive been playing for over 10 years by now and I still doesnt get bored playing the drums. Im active in 4 bands, always had fun with my band members and never had trouble with setting up my drumkit or breaking it off. If you love to play the drums you love to play the drums and than you have to deal with the other things.

    Playing the drums is my passion, just like playing the guitar and bass guitar aswell which I play also.
    If you love playing music just keep playing it! Keep on playing, get as many gigs as you can, show them that you are a cool, good and tight drummer and dont give up! Soon or later you will be discovered and you'll be able to play on your dream-drum-kit and your dream-cymbals, endorsed by the brands that see a future in your drumming skills and enjoy your playing. For the moment it sounds like you really dont like to play the drums, why did you played them for 15 years then? Im sure you hate playing the drums as much as you love playing them!

    Peace,

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  7. So, you weren't good at the drums, didn't get into it, didn't understand nuance, didn't understand how expensive any instrument or hobby can be...and now you think that your opinion on it matters?

    A few things:

    Cymbals cots a lot, and last forever, if you know how to play. This may go hand in hand with understanding the differences in songs and fee.

    Lessons cost as much as lessons for anything else.

    You can play jazz with brushes, swinging jazz, loud rock, soft rock, metal, etc. If you don't have the versatility to play in different settings, that's on you. Drums are an inanimate object.

    Do you have to carry a bunch of stuff, yeah. So what. That's it.

    One of my favorite things about drums is that there aren't "pedals" or "processors" (for acoustically played drums). If you want to sound different, play different. If you want a different feel, play different. If you hate drums/suck at drums, play different...or...stop playing, just don't litter the internet with this dribble.

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  8. And what was the point of this article? trying to piss off all of the drummers? you talk like there is only one drums beat, thats retarded. drumming is more than " hitting things with sticks". If you dont like drumming play something else, some people like myself love the instrument and can play very well. and if your serious you wont mind spending money. so play something else and stop being a dick

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  9. Drumming sucks I guess, but so does everything else, if you look at it a certain way. I guess that is the point of your blog. The answer is to do only the things that you cant help but doing. When I was a kid I would lock myself in the closet with pots and pans and wooden spoons and "play drums." It was just always a part of me. I have no choice but to drum. It might be an aspergers/autism thing a bit, but either way, I love drumming, and there is always room for growth. With a guitar or piano, a lot of the time "getting better" involves becoming a human juke box, which seems like a pointless waste of time to me. Drumming is much more organic, rooted to the human body, and less entangled with all of the bullshit of human civilization. And with odd time signatures, it becomes an athletic form of recreational math, if that wiggles your chain.

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  10. I've been playing drums for about 8 months now and I love playing them. The hardest thing for me to do when I'm practicing is stop. If you don't like playing drums then fair enough but if you have kids at least let them have a go because the only times I'm ever happy is when I'm with family / friends or behind a drum kit

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  11. You must be a shitty ass drummer with no development. Are you fucking kidding me? 15years? Stop talking shit little kid. You're really a piece of shit, your mother send you to the drum lesson,and you only learn some basic shit? I felt sorry about your mother bro. You're a not filial dickhead. Yup, I'm a drummer, but I only takes 7 years to make me a professional drummer. And I want to say, drums is a creative shit. You can play whatever you want on it. If the player is shit, of course the drums would sound shit. If the player is a real professional, the drums would sound amazing. Okay, so you're complaining about the drum's price tag are too high? Yup, drums usually costly. What you pay for it, what you'll get. Seems like you're a POOR ASS DICK. CYMBALS ARE MADE FROM BRONZE IDIOT!! But drums, you can TUNE IT. Learn how to tune fucktard.

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