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Saturday, 5 March 2011

Yellow Fever

"There is no doubt having a tan makes you feel thinner, sexier and healthier"

What the fuck is wrong with people, seriously? I honestly cannot see why any sane person would think getting a fake tan is a good idea. Whether it be sprayed on, painted on or burnt on by a sun bed, it always looks shit and always makes you look like a prick. A really weird culture has built up over the last few years where some people feel that by being pale, they are unattractive. So in an attempt to look "sexier" they do everything they can, to go as orange as they can.

OMG I am real worryed bout goin out 2nite. I aven't ad any sun coz of all the rain an now I look all pale an washed out, it's so gross. Honist, I look lyke a milk bottle.

Fucking hell. With all the problems in the world, the thing you're worried about is having your skin look its natural colour? Seriously, Whitmore are reforming, surely that's more terrifying?! I really can't work out why there are so many bright orange people walking the streets. All I can blame is our celebrity culture. People buy the Sun or Heat or whatever and see pictures of celebrities in bikinis living it up on holiday, looking tanned. So idiots start to think that that is sexy and in an attempt to look like celebrities, they roll around in a vat of bronzer. NICE ONE, CUNT. There is NOTHING sexy about you being painted orange!

Maybe you want people to think you've just come back from a holiday somewhere exotic? Couple of problems there... First up, fake tan looks just that, FAKE, clue's in the name, prick. Secondly, without wanting to use the world 'slag' you're dressed... cheaply? Sporting 3 inch heels, a tiny skirt with your thong showing, a boob tube and with what looks to be a tribal tattoo on the bottom of your back, whilst stumbling around the city centre at 4am doesn't scream 'I CAN AFFORD FOUR HOLIDAYS 4 YEAR' I'm sorry.

If you're going to do it, fucking man up and go the whole hog. That or don't bother.

How do you know if you're wearing too much fake tan? Well, are you wearing ANY? Yes? then it's too much. FUCK OFF.

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