Clairvoyance

Clairvoyants are truly shameless individuals that fraudulently claim that they possess extra sensory paranormal abilities, and are able to contact the "spirit world" and communicate with the dead. They use their amazing abilities to extort money from those so desperate to believe that their dead loved ones are happy on "the other side", that they will blindly pay these narcissists to communicate with their own insane minds and falsely tell them exactly what they want to hear. I have nothing but hatred for these pathetic charlatans, and these are my top reasons for hoping that these con artists find out what "the other side" (6 feet under) is really like as soon as possible;

• Providing false hope to vulnerable people and telling them what they want to hear- Nearly 100% of the people that visit clairvoyants are those that have experienced a tragic loss, and are so desperate to believe that their loved ones still exist that they abandon all sense and logic and put their trust in the empty words of a fraudster. When is the last time you saw a "medium" tell a grieving widow that her dead husband hated her, fucked all of her friends, gave her a symptomless sexually transmitted disease and pissed in her kettle? Answer: NEVER! These scam artists will ingenuously tell the grieving wife exactly what she wants to hear, without facing any scrutiny due to the wife wanting to believe them and live in ignorant bliss.

• Inability to explain the "spirit world"- Conveniently these "mediums" are never able to coherently explain how the "spirit world" (notice the quotations...I refuse to acknowledge this as as a legitimate place!) works, and often make excuses as to why they can't perform readings on demand by claiming "that's not how it works. Well how does it work? Go on, try and explain it? What are the logistics and method that you use to selectively isolate an individual "spirit" and communicate with it? Is it like a ghost phone book? Tell me how this magic trick works!!!

• Cold reading- This is the most commonly used method of creating the illusion that the clairvoyant has a psychic ability, but is fundamentally just a guessing game. Cold reading is always performed in front of a large crowd, as the chance of the medium getting a"hit" is significantly increased if there are more participants. The clairvoyant starts with a broad statement that could apply to a variety of people, objects, animals, places etc in the hope that somebody will take the bait and claim it. This will generally be a statement like "I'm getting a G......I'm getting a George (no reaction)....no it's a Gary....(no reaction)....Gabrielle?" If nobody claims the name, they will quickly move on to another random name...completing ignoring the fact that they have been wrong several times. Once somebody has claimed this vague statement, the medium will elaborate on this point and feign insight into the person's situation. This insight is based upon factors such as body language, gender and age....for example if the subject was elderly it would be obvious to assume that George could be her dead husband....or if the subject was young you could assume that George was their dead father. The medium then makes high probability guesses as to the significance of the statement to the victim, and judges by their reactions whether or not their guess was correct. If the guess was relevant to the subject, they will reaffirm their chance statement by elaborating on it slightly....thus creating the illusion that they are in contact with the dead. Clairvoyants rely entirely on the audience for this laughable method of hit and miss tactics, which in my eyes proves that they lack any psychic ability due to the overwhelming amount of misses.

• Celebrity mediums- In recent years there have been an increase of clairvoyant TV personalities appearing on our screens like terrifying apparitions on obscure Sky/Freeview channels that I can't imagine anybody watches. Whether its Derek Acorah having his body inhabited by the spirit of Michael Jackson (yes this genuinely happened, check out the video at the bottom!), John Edwards "the king of the cold reading" miraculously communicating with an audiences dead relatives (on a heavily edited show that doesn't include his failed attempts) or those depressing 4am "psychic live" call in shows....the supernatural is fairly popular. These TV personalities are predictably some of the most narcissistic, twisted individuals imaginable, which begs the question...If spirits did exist, why the fuck would they choose to channel themsleves through these fucking cretins? These TV personalities act like gods, when in reality they are just disgraceful con artists that have forged a career out of exploiting the tragedies of those around them. These pathetic bastards use the misery of others to feed their ego's, unconcerned about the feelings of their victims that they are lying to. They are constantly defensive about their abilities, and refuse to accept criticism and scrutiny from anybody that doubts them....and will always refuse to demonstrate their "gift" under examination.

• The fact that it can't be legitimately proven that they aren't psychic- Irritatingly it is impossible to disprove what you can't see, a fact that religions have been relying on for years. You could say that this ruins my argument that all clairvoyants are charlatans, but I disagree. The reason that it is not scientifically possible to disprove the paranormal is the fact that their are no available scientific methods to measure something that does not physically exist. I think this speaks for itself....it does not physically fucking exist. Don't get all 6th form philosophy student on me and say something like "just because something doesn't physically exist it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist"....yes it does. IT DOES NOT PHYSICALLY EXIST! In the modern world we have no place for the immeasurable, yet we can't...and depressingly never will be able to negate superstition. This will allow these lunatics to continue their beguiling practices, unhindered forever.

I can't decide whether or not the all of individuals that claim to have "the gift" are exploitative con artists, or if they genuinely believe that they have powers. I would assume that the majority of them are aware that they have no powers, but feign psychic ability profit off their victims. If an individual genuinely believes that they have this unique ability, I would be severely worried about their mental state. I have always wondered what would happen if a clairvoyant was given medicine used to treat schizophrenia, would the voices stop?

Some people will probably argue that giving kind reassurances to grieving people is not necessarily a bad thing, but again I disagree. They are not only lying to incredibly vulnerable, susceptible people...but they are slowing the progress of humanity. I'm not going to lie, I'm an Atheist so I am biased on the subject of the paranormal....but if there is something that exists after we die (which I 100% doubt) then surely lying about it for personal gain is counter productive to humanity?

Clairvoyants are amongst the most shameless vultures on the planet, and should be ashamed of their disgusting exploitation of the vulnerable. If the spirit world does exist I hope that when they die they are forced to spend eternity in a small space with Jade Goodey and the Birdie song stuck on an endless loop....urgh!