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Friday, 28 January 2011

Male Pattern Baldness

Everyone takes after their parents, you are a product of their gene pools. Some people are more their Mum, some are more their Dad, I take after my Dad. My Dad's side of the family is a strange mix of English, Portuguese and Indian which has led to all the males in the family sharing several similar traits. 1) We are all 'Olive skinned' whilst this means we don't need fake tan, it also meant that i was called a 'paki' in primary school (HA! Nice one JAMES WATTS FROM SWINDON). 2) We fucking love a good nap, and 3) We all lose our hair at an early age.

Even worse for me, is that the age where the hair falls out seems to be getting lower and lower, so much so that I have been covering up my shiny forehead with a comb over since the age of 18. Honestly, it fucking SUCKS. You have no idea how depressing it is to have your hair start falling out before you even leave home. This is how I know there is no god!

So, for several years, I tried a comb over. I tried (and failed) to cover my head with a big fringe. On top of that I've tried 'hair regeneration shampoo'... it does nothing. I even once went into a herbal remedies place to ask if they could help. I was told by a hugely enthusiastic Chinese man that he would 'Hit head with hammer' over and over, while he waved this little spike ended hammer in my face. I left without trying it.

Even my Mum has got in on the act. She called me at nine this morning to ask my address as she had been into Lush and got me some sort of soap bar thing that might help my hair look 'thicker'. Thanks Mum.

I realise things like this happen to everyone, it's just getting old, but fuck that. I'm already old and miserable enough on the inside, I don't want to look it on the outside too. There are some people that can pull of shaved heads, I am not one of them. With my hair short I look just like Karl Pilkington, Honestly. Not having a bit on hair on the front of my head draws attention to how bulbous it is. It's massive and perfectly round, like if you drew a sad face on a snooker ball.

So now I'm left with two options. I could either man up and live with it, or be one of those sad losers that never leaves the house without a hat on...Great. THANKS LIFE.

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