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Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Wacky T Shirts

Since I can remember there have been endless market stalls, magazine advertisements and crappy websites that sell these types of T shirts to those so devoid of personality that they need a charisma boost in the form of a wacky slogan/design. The idiots that buy this tacky shit then parade these t-shirts about with a self satisfied smirk as if they are somehow bringing laughter to the masses, but in reality just look like 13 year old mosher kids. These are my top reasons for hating these shirts;

The jokes are NEVER funny- "Sorry, my dog ate your number"....ha. Well that was fun, got any other jokes? Oh....you're wearing it. This joke/slogan may produce a 1 second chuckle from the person reading it, but after this miniscule laugh is over the wacky shirt wearer is stuck wearing an already stale joke like a badge of idiocy.
Uninventive designs- The majority of these shitty designs involve an established brand logo with slightly altered design or wording (with hilarious effect....) such as Ipood, FECK The Irish Connection, Cocaine Cola, Dadisas (I just came up with that one!) etc. It is so easy to think of design ideas that will probably feature on a wacky t-shirt one day. Here are a few that I've come up with in about 2 seconds; Norks and Spampurse (Marks and Spencers), Crackdonalds (although I'd bet my life this has already been done), Bugger King, Weebok blah blah blah! Maybe I should stop pursuing a career in IT and start a business shifting novelty shirts to morons!!

  • The people that wear them- Unless they are a teenager that has recieved one of thse monstrosities as a present from a "cool" Aunty, they are the types that would probably be desribed by their work colleagues as "well random", they'l probably have downloaded the "crazy frog" ringtone and probably still regularly do Fast Show and Harry Enfield impressions. They'l probably greet you with an Ali G voice, probably know all of the words to the songs in the Mighty Boosh, probably recite irritating jingles from adverts at you and probably secretely wish they didn't have to be so overtly wacky to try and forge connections with other humans.
  • "The penguins are slowly stealing my sanity"- WTF LOL that is well random! These types of slogans are probably the worst, and are generally favoured by teenagers going through an awkward "alternative" phase. These t-shirts are so "out there" and totally krazee (crazy with a k, I'm mad....I've gone beyond!) that you could write any old incoherent nonsense on them yet idiots will still buy them. What exactly is the desired effect of wearing a nonsensicle statement like this? "The gnomes are silently plotting their revenge"...this isn't funny! You just look like a paranoid schizophrenic!
Wearing a novelty t-shirt has the directly opposite effect on me than desired by the person wearing it. I'm not laughing with you, I'm not even laughing at you....I just know that we will probably not get on! I'm not the type of person that will instantly make judgements on people according to their attire (well we all do to some extent!), but in the case of novelty slogan shirts I make an exception! You are not funny....now take that embarassment off and conform to the laws of fashion like the rest of us sheep you wacky bastard!

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