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Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Fearne Cotton

I fucking detest Fearne Cotton. In an age where the British public scrape the barrel of mediocrity clean in the search for more and more celebrities, Cotton has got to be amongst the worst. Famous for being famous, she seems to be on everything that the BBC spits out; radio, TV, live events and countless charity appeal shows. Hardly surprising, considering members of her family are/were BBC executives and her father is a famous band leader. She even interviewed the Royal Family, exclaiming to Prince's William and Harry 'You're the Queens grand children, HOW COOL IS THAT?!' ...investigative journalism at it's best.

Always pushing to be seen as the BBC's whacky 'rock-chick' she is constantly talking about how cool/alternative she is, whether it be dating the gay one from Lost Prophets, bringing out her own range of Converse showes, spouting in interviews that she has not, one, but ELEVEN tattoos (the biggest of which is a Fearne leaf on her hip............) or that she is always going to gigs all over London and always strives to 'break' new bands.

One of the ways she does this, is a section on her radio show called 'The New Music Generator' where listeners call in, name three of the songs they are 'repping at the minute' and Fearne suggests something new that the poor sap on the other end of the line, will enjoy. I heard one segment where the caller listed My Chemical Romance, All Time Low and The Wombats. Fearne's suggestion was 'At Your Funeral' by Saves the Day. Wicked.

Good work Fearne, you are the very definition of 'Hip'

Another thing I despise about this talentless black hole is that she is somehow a fashion/sex icon... HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED??!! Seriously, what the fuck? She dresses like a 15 year old greebo. Red jeans, cowboy boots and fake glasses? Nice one, prick.

In fairness, neither of these things annoy the shit out of me nearly as much her boundless enthusiasm for EVERYTHING. Everything she sees is 'incredible' every new band she hears are 'awesome' and everyone she interviews in the 'nicest person in the world' She is the human equivalent of a pug dog, endlessly yapping at your heels, on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on until one day you just snap and kick the fucking thing in the face. Someone needs to shake her like a British nanny shakes American babies and scream in her face 'GET THE FUCK OFF OUR SCREENS FEARNE COTTON YOU OVERGROWN CHILD'

22 comments:

  1. She needs a bucket of bleach thrown over her. I fucking detest the moronic bitch. Burn bitch burn

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    Replies
    1. Yeah and she really loves you. TWAT.

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  2. Your post is dispicable, as is the comment above. Clearly you want to write with humour and think you are being edgy but the only thing that comes across is envy and bitterness. As for the post above. You are moronic - a bucket of bleach - do you realise what you are saying??? Yes let's all downplay throwing bleach and acid, that's the way forwad. And lets burn women, amazing, insightful and again so witty and edgy. Yes she's annoying and in so many ways that there are endless funny observations that you could have made. Unfortunately your post actually makes me side with Fearne. You idiot.

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    Replies
    1. Yes I agree. The "bucket of bleach" comment was utterly despicable. What she really needs is a couple of concrete wellies on her feet before being thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool filled with bleach (pine preferably). Then, and only then, can we be sure that our world has been sanitised of the pea-brained fuckwit. My thoughts are with the poor immigrant who has to fish her pine scented corpse out of the pool!

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    2. Awesome blog, she needs cramming into an industrial washing machine along with razor blades and ball bearings and put on a fast spin. Perhaps some bleach in the draw as a form of fabric softener.

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  3. Thats funny, I didnt see any envy or bitterness. Just hatred. Good old fashioned hatred for a thoroughly deserving person.

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  4. I don't see anything despicable about this post. Basically- This blog >>>> Your shitty blog. Cry me a river

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  5. Jesus H. No-one is saying we should actually throw bleach at the woman, it's a fucking blog and it's meant to be funny. Take it with a pinch of salt. Get over your fucking self and grow up.

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  6. I don't detest Fearne as much as I detest how BBC somehow see her as entertaining. I'm sure the number 1 quality you need to be a radio presenter is an interesting voice - She doesn't have this in any form at all - it's a bland, monotonous and most of all annoying. It's like someone is pouring ground up glass down my ears and into my brain.

    When she laughs, it's like being kicked in the head by an angry donkey.

    She has zero entertainment value. She thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread, the arrogant spanner.

    She just needs to fuck off somewhere.

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  7. that video really hurt to watch but everyone needs to remind themselves what a grade-a twat she is. Bland bland bland bland self obsessed nobody.

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  8. Hate her and would love to smash her in the chops with a large plank of wood! The wood would be pine to match the bleach

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  9. I would love to know how many listeners turn off or over after the Breakfast show, i know i do.....a completely self obsessed talent less Dimlow. I heard her say that she thinks Lily Allen does'nt like her.....i hope shes fucking right.

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    Replies
    1. what the fuck does that matter to you? grow up.

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  10. My longest exposure to the Cotton slag is about 3 seconds! If I tune into the bitch by accident, that is all she gets! Acid would be better than bleach, maybe!!??

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  11. The person that wrote this sounds so.... UGLY

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    Replies
    1. Please let me know how you came to be aware of somebody's physical appearance just by reading some words they typed!

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    2. Zaharah, go away you utter disease. Did you think this would be a cheery blog, didn't the title give it away? Moron.

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  12. GOD HELP YOU. Its you that has to live with yourself. Bless your soul.

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  13. The lot of you's are behaving like a bunch of shallow bastards. what ever happened to letting people live? Fearne herself probably hates her laugh or her repetitive praising abilities of artists she doesn't even find talented. but shes DOING HER JOB. you would do the exact same thing given her situation so shut the fuck up the lot of ya.

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  14. Well now, its not just me who cannot stand this talentless scrubber who typifies a lot of YOUNGER BRITISH WOMEN today? As apart from those AWFUL tattoos (VERY unfeminine in my opinion) she is so up her own arse its untrue but then there is a whole list of bimbos that young girls look up to inc her mate Holly W who is so similar that I am convinced they are MADE in a factory somewhere. Lets go back to the 1960's or even the 1950's when Women were really FEMININE and not all laddish. Chris (Brighton)

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  15. Kind of hard to believe she did not know anything.

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  16. Fearne Cotton....WHAT A CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!

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