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Monday, 6 December 2010

Charity Muggers

"Charity muggers" or "street fundraisers" as they prefer to be known as have been the bane of my lunchbreaks in recent times. You can't walk more than 100 yards without being approached by one of these vultures, desperately throwing themselves in front of you and demanding your time. The charity mugger's job is to use "stopping tactics" indiscriminately on the general public, and force them to hand over their bank account details in order to set up standing order donations to the charity they represent. Don't get me wrong, I believe that most charities are a worthwhile cause, I just have no patience for this intrusive method of forced donations. My reasons for hating these irritants are;
  • Attempting to make their targets feel guilty for not stopping to talk them.
    We would not tolerate this level of harrassment from a person from any other line of work, so why do we let these people guilt trip us into bending to their wills?I am not rejecting the concept of the charity that you represent, I just really don't want to stop and talk to you! They operate under the pretense that they're performng an altruistic deed, but in reality they're probably getting paid more than I am to do their JOB! Yes I said it...its a fucking job! Charity muggers are being paid a fairly decent wage, and are given quotas and performance based incentives for trapping customers.
  • Making judgements on my financial status based upon the items I'm holding in my hands. "£5 a month....that's 15p a day! How much did that coffee cost you?" Charity muggers have NO right to question how you choose to spend your money, and should be ashamed of themselves for doing so. In an ideal world people would have disposable incomes that they could piss away carelessly, but not everybody is lying when they say that they can't afford to give away money. Some people are unwilling to compromise on their expenses, fucking deal with it!
  • Trying to grab your attention with wacky dances. Why does the charity mugger think it's a good idea to act quirky and off the wall to make somebody feel comfortable with them? Doing that awkwward dance has just left me 100% less likely to want to spend even a second of my time with you. No you're not Bill Bailey, you sir are a fool!
  • Not disclosing the fact that they are being paid. Legally they are obliged to tell you that they are receiving a wage for their job, but I am struggling to recall one occassion that this has happened.
  • Reading some facts off of a leaflet does NOT make you better than me! I am sick to death of being looked down upon by these self righteous bastards, who would likely just ignore somebody like them if their roles were reversed. Anybody could revise and recite facts off a leaflet convincingly, it does not nescessarily mean that they are passionate about the subject. I find it very interesting that "street fundraiser" jobs are often advertised in newspapers and magazines for out of work actors, coincidence?
Again I reiterate, I wholly stand by the idea that charity is a good thing. Charities perform important work globally and rely on our support, but If I want to give money to a charity I will do so on my own accord....I do not need prompting by you! I am running out of ways to tell the charity muggers to leave me the fuck alone, and for putting me in this awkward situation daily I extend to you an unapologetic FUCK YOU!


  1. the thing i hate about these scalpers is that they represent different charities from one day to another. on monday it's "oooh help the aids babies in africa it's the most important thing ever" but next day they are trying to rob you on behalf of tibetan rhinos or to build a clean drinking water well on the moon or something. insincere cunts. also, making comments about my "nice jacket/haircut/shoes" etc isn't going to make me stop when i'm already late for work. faaaaaack orf!

  2. You didn't mention the hot girls ones that give you the eye... then demand that you make the world a better place... like some kind of reverse hooker.