Tour Laminates.

What? Oh, this? It’s my tour laminate! Yeah, you know, we’re just on the road so much. Travelling around, waking up in new towns, it gets sort of confusing, you know? So our manager made us these to attach to our lanyards.

Oh, right... How long are you on tour for!?

Four days

Nice one, prick. So what you’re saying is you can’t remember what you’re doing this weekend? In fairness it is quite hard to remember Stoke, Manchester, Wakefield and Hull, right? OR, is it that you just want to draw more attention to the fact that you’re in a band? As if you weren’t conspicuous enough by the fact that you’re stood behind the merch tuning up.

Or is it that you need the laminate/lanyard combo to prove to bar staff that you’re in the band? So they won’t try to charge you coming in? Is that why your ‘manager’ wrote AAA on it? Just so everyone here knows ‘Hey guys, this cool dude’s in the band, he can go where he wants. The stage, the toilet, the bar, the car park… Anywhere he wants, yeah?’

Is any of this really necessary? I mean, come on, the only people here are your shit band, the promoter, the sound guy and my shit band. And we’ve seen you before, so as soon as we’ve played we’re doing one. If you honestly can’t remember the fact that you’re playing Stoke tomorrow you are a moron and your laminate should be stapled to your head, or else attached to a piece of wool and put through your coat sleeves like children’s mittens.

But let’s face it, you do know where you’re going on tour tomorrow, you fucking booked it, you fucking poser.